Housing Update.

Dear All,
I just thought I’d give you an update on my housing situation…. I am sure the way I described things before made them sound just awful – and frankly, that was how I felt. However, I think there might have been a case of me being a little quick to judge and ready to jump to conclusions that might not necessarily have been there….
So Aunti and Uncle Ji went to Jaipur for a few days. When they came back, it seemed like things were really different, but maybe they weren’t…. I am not sure. But the first thing I noticed was that Aunti Ji started calling me “beta” which means “son” and she no longer let me use one of the fancy plates from her dinner set – now I use the same plates everyone else does.
I was quick to judge her on not trusting me or not thinking that I was “pure” enough to go in their kitchen, when perhaps the real issue is her lack of trust in her own servants, which sort of complicates her desires to welcome me into her home. Since she sort of opened up to me, I used it as an opportunity to ask about several of the various things that bothered me during the first week.
I asked her why she had a separate refrigerator and stove in the back – outside of the kitchen -specifically for me? She said that because they were going away to Jaipur, they wanted to make sure that I would be able to eat – that the servants would be able to cook, because she didn’t trust the servants to use the kitchen when she wasn’t around. She had actually bought the stove precisely for that purpose as well as a special voltage stabilizer that would allow the refrigerator to work under the slightly more volatile electrical wiring….
I asked her why she gave me separate glasses and plates and stuff when I first got here. She said that she had been to America to visit her daughter and that Americans always use nice crockery and that she had never seen metal plates and cups in America, so she wanted to get me nice things so I would like them. Apparently the glass I use is the only glass she has and it was somewhat expensive, so she would like me to use it – not that she thinks I will give them all cooties if I use their metal glasses….
So I asked why she asked me to wash my dishes in the bathroom, because I thought that was weird. She said that I was really new here and their system was somewhat complicated. Apparently their kitchen sink is broken(?) So they only rinse them off there and then they wash them outside(?) She is very paranoid about ants, and was preparing to leave for Jaipur within 3 days of my arrival and thought that it would make the most sense to make my dish situation as simple as possible. I’d have my own stuff, I’d deal with it in my own part of the house, and that would be the easiest.
In preparation for her trip to Jaipur, she apparently spent quite a bit of money moving the 2nd fridge out of the kitchen and buying a second gas stove. I noticed in a store as well that the air conditioner they bought for my room cost them nearly double what I will pay them for the summer. It is making me realize that I might be the only person in our program whose presence in their host’s house isn’t primarily financial. Everyone else is staying in places that are more like guesthouses, where the owners are in the business of renting rooms to people and the relationship is much more financially based. Here, there seems to be something else going on, something I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. I have already accused them of pre-judging me, but am I any better to have already judged them?
Aunti-ji also showed that she was thinking about my welfare in ways that are not purely financial. She loaned me some sunglasses, because she saw that I wasn’t wearing any when I road my bicycle. She tried to give me a radio, because she knows that I study music…. She made some herbal after-dinner snack that is supposed to aid digestion and also prevent sunstroke….
At the end of the day, it seems like they are actually bending over backwards to make me feel comfortable, yet somehow I seem to get hung up on what seem to be fairly little things. As for the whole door locking thing – apparently they lock all the doors all the time. So my solution was that instead of bolting the door, they lock it with a key. That way I can unlock it with a key whenever I return. I tried getting a copy of the key made today, but it is much more challenging than it sounds, but that is another story.
I find it interesting that many people have written to me since reading my previous post that I should move. In one sense they are right, but in another, I think this is actually a great place. Every evening, I have someone who is nice, cares about my well being, who isn’t busy, willing to sit around and talk in Hindi to me while we watch Hindi television. I am not speaking English with a bunch of other students around a card table. …
Comparatively I am very comfortable, I have plenty of privacy and am generally well cared for. It would be easy for me to be cynical and reject her seemingly logical explanations for all the weird little things that bother me and stick to my own opinion that it is just a reflection of religious snobbery; however, I don’t think that would get me very far.
I see this as a learning experience. Maybe that is the anthropologist in me suggesting that I take advantage of this situation to learn about a part of Indian culture I might never again have the opportunity to interact with…..
I don’t know. What do you think? Do you still think I should move out?
Here’s a funny anecdote.
So it’s no secret that Aunti Ji is particular about food and cleanliness. She won’t eat food from any airline or any hotel and for the most part will only eat food she made herself. Apparently, when she went to New York for 5 days, she brought 40 paranthas (Indian fry bread) with her from India in her luggage. That’s just crazy. After hearing that story, I was not terribly surprised to hear that she wasn’t particularly interested in me attempting to cook pasta for her and her family one night. I guess one has to progress with baby steps. My short term goal is get her to share a mango with me….
Is it weird that I think of her religious beliefs as a game, where I am secretly trying to push her out of her comfort zone because I don’t agree with her? Does that make me a bit of jerk for trying? She really is a nice lady. And I really do think she is trying VERY hard to make me feel welcome and comfortable in her house… Who am I to suggest that us sharing food is “normal” or rather, the small tiny ways in which her customs make me feel uncomfortable are probably just as annoying to her as me not making my bed or generally keeping my room as neat as the rest of the house. I mean, I try, I really do, but I just don’t care about bed making beyond a cursory toss of a sheet. I am probably never going to wake up in the morning and tuck everything in all nice and neat.
So it continues. I’ll keep you posted.
Allen

Update: Apparently in preparation for my arrival, they hired another servant. So here I am getting all uppity about how many servants they have, and apparently one of them is only concerned with providing for my well being. Woah. I’ve never had a servant before. It’s really weird. I am always sure to use really respectful language registers whenever I talk to them, which is something a little bit outside of Indian customary practice, but I just can’t think about any other way. It’s just not in my nature to give orders – I don’t know. That’s probably the real issue here and everything else is a small problem that has manifest itself from my in ability to comprehend the nuances of the master-servant relationship as it works in India. I mean here, it seems there are servants everywhere, and that it is far from unusual.....